Somehow, at some point, the Inwood family had a conversation about what each of us wanted after we died. I don’t know if we were getting ready for a trip or had just seen a movie, but boy, am I grateful for that discussion. John and I had always talked about being cremated and we had always said we would sprinkle our ashes on the family land back in Canada. John has a special spot that speaks to him; I just wanted to be under a big ole tree somewhere near John. It was as we shared this with the boys that Luke announced that there was no way he was going to be cremated. He wanted to be buried and he wanted to be buried right here in Rutland. “This is where I am from!” he argued. I didn’t get into it with him, but I didn’t see how that was going to work. In my head I wanted us all together in Canada and I could have pushed the point, but the kids were young so I honestly just filed it away under “Never going to need this information”.
Turns out we did. As we sat with Rick from Miles Funeral Home making arrangements, I thanked the Universe a million times that we knew Luke’s wishes. I can smile now thinking about how ticked off he would have been on the other side, looking down if he had been cremated. He would have shook his head, rolled his eyes, and told himself – she never listens to me. Lol.
But we did listen. Luke’s resting place is a peaceful spot at the back of Rutland Cemetery. It is beautiful and serene and I like to think our boy would be pleased. Luke passing away first changed what the rest of us wanted, of course. Turns out we will all be together in the 01543. Please file this under “Hopefully won’t need this for information for awhile.” 🙂
So here’s what I do need you to know: If today is your Day One, take the time to figure out what your loved one would want. Slow down and really think about how you want to do this for your child. This is permanent. We were lucky to have this information when we needed it, but final wishes isn’t a conversation most people have with their kiddos. Just know if you follow your heart, you will make the right decision. I have to say I love that Luke is at the Rutland Cemetery. It’s an easy place for his friends to get to and I love when they leave little trinkets to show they were thinking of him. I love that they don’t have to come to our house to feel connected to their friend. I also love that the cemetery is right down the road. I go every day. Every. Day. It has given me a place to put my grief outside of our home. I feel like when I stop in I can get all my feelings out – good or bad – and leave them there. This way, I can be a little bit stronger for John and Logan and myself when I get home. This has helped me SO much that I’m not sure I can adequately describe it. Trust me when I say it can help.
If today is not your Day One, consider having a dialogue with your children about their final wishes. Obviously you know if your child is ready for this or not, and I am not suggesting littles are up for it, but I teach ten year olds and I can tell you they are deep thinkers and are already forming opinions about the world around them. Just be open to the opportunity when it arises. Maybe it starts with what you want. Maybe it starts with the loss of a beloved pet. Maybe it starts because someone in your community passes away. Whatever the reason, I feel that by talking about it, we make death and dying not quite so scary. But those are just my thoughts. Feel free to file them under Never Going to Need this Information. Xxx